2, well, 3 days ago I've been asked to do a new post...well here it is, finally. (btw: Happy Birthday and so on)
And with the inspiration of My Chemical Romance I will try to start a more sensefull entry...

Is it hard understanding, I'm incomplete?

Well...actually I don't know anything to write about now...my feet hurt like hell from working today. Why do they invent an aperature to clean your shoes but don't get it straight tu build me some working shoes that don't hurt my feet? Well another senseless queation such as "why do kamikazes wear helmets?"
I've improved my Guitar Hero skill much further so I'm able to play all the songs in the medium difficulty with 5 stars (out of 5). I must admit that I impressed myself with my improving playing but I guess that's what the saying "practizising makes the master" is all about.

A life that's so demanding, I get so weak...A love that's so demanding that I can't speak

But nobody cares if you're losing yourself, am I losing myself?
I don't know how else to put this
It's taken me so long to do this
I'm falling asleep and I can't see straight
My muscles feel like a melee
My body's curled in a U-shape
I put on my best but I'm still afraid
Propped up by lies and promises
Saving my place as life forgets
Maybe its time I saw the world

I'm only here for a while
But patience is not my style
And I'm so tired that I gotta go

Where am I supposed to hide now?
What am I suppose to do?
Did you really think I wouldn't see this through?
Tell me I should stick around for you
Tell me I could have it all
I'm still too tired to care and I gotta go

I get to go home in one week
But I leaving home in three weeks
They throw me a bone just to pick me dry
I'm following suit and directionsI crawl up inside for protection
I'm told what to do and I don't know why

I'm over existing in limbo
I'm over the myths and placebos
I don't really mind if I just fade away

I'm ready to live with my family
I'm ready to die in obscurity
Cause I'm so tired that I gotta go

Where am I supposed to hide now?
What am I suppose to do?
You still don't think I'm going see this through?
Tell me I'm a part of history
Tell me I can have it all
I'm still to tired to care and I gotta go

Recently I have been asked about my most beautiful moment in my life and all I could answer was: every time I'm dating with my girl friend. 'Cause there is this moment when I'm sitting at home waiting for her or when I'm ringing at her door bell and she walks up to it and I can see her shape through the glas-made door and it just feels like meeting a stranger or not knowing what will happen in the next second, allthough you can imagine what will happen...and these moments are the most beautiful moments to me because I can remember why I love her and what makes her so loveable...it may sound odd to you and I don't know if this is going to chnage when we will live together one day...but for now it's enough to lighten my day every day...

Alles gute zum 18. Geburtstag meine Süße!!!!
Endlich Autofahren, Schnapps kaufen, Kredite aufnehmen, verbotene Filme schauen, sich vollkommen strafbar machen und alles weitere...

Kann kaum glauben, dass 2 Jahre so lange seien können^^

Für die Person, die weiß, dass sie gemeint ist:

Ich habe einen Schatz gefunden und er trägt einen Namen
So wunderschön und wertvoll und mit keinem Geld der Welt zu bezahlen

Du schläfst neben mir ein, ich könnt' Dich die ganze Nacht betrachten
Sehen wie Du schläfst, hören wie Du atmest, bis wir am Morgen erwachen

Hast es wieder mal geschafft mir den Atem zu rauben
Wenn Du neben mir liegst, dann kann ich es kaum glauben
Dass jemand wie ich sowas Schönes wie Dich verdient hat

Dein Lachen macht süchtig, fast so als wär es nicht von dieser Erde
Auch wenn Deine Nähe Gift wär, ich würd' bei Dir sein solange bis ich sterbe

Betank mich mit Kraft, nimm mir Zweifel von den Augen
Erzähl mir tausend Lügen, ich würd' sie Dir alle glauben
Doch ein Zweifel bleibt, dass ich jemanden wie Dich verdient hab

Wenn sich mein Leben überschlägt, bist Du die Ruhe und die Zuflucht
Weil alles was Du mir gibst einfach so unendlich gut tut

Wenn ich rastlos bin, bist Du die Reise ohne Ende
Deshalb leg ich meine kleine, große Welt in Deine schützenden Hände

Du bist das Beste, dass mir je passiert ist, es tut so gut wie Du mich liebst...
Vergess den Rest der Welt, wenn Du bei mir bist...

Ich sag's Dir viel zu selten...ich bin froh, dass es Dich gibt

And after all, you're my wanderwall...

Don't ask me why I've been quite for such a long time and why I'm writing just now...I just don't know...wish I knew...

Just stood up from bed again to write this post. I had been laying there for nearly half an hour by now but couldn't sleep yet. Suddenly I had a melody in my brain (was thinking too much though) and it reminded me of a time long since gone...(by the way: the songs title is "And still it bleeds..." from a band called "Everon". Most of you won't know it as well as the band but let me tell you, it's one of my favourite bands when I get to a point where I need to think things over...)

Well...as I said, the song reminded me of the past...a past wherein everything seemed so much clearer and more obvious to me. I was younger (what a shame talking about age when you're just twenty-one...) and I can quite good remember the moment I first listened to that song. I was sitting in my room, just as now and knew that this song was something more than just a song, it gave me a shiver and fever the same time and still does. Man, it was even about the same time of year, a few weeks before christmas that I first listened to it...But things have changed since then and I wish I could go back to those times...staying up at the same time every day, doing the same every day and have no doubts in what you are doing.

I loved the way I was living my life...no real friends, the same stupid day...every day. Now everything is so complicated. I made friends myself and a for a short time it all felt so good. But now you have to think of every consequence of your words and deeds 'cause it will happen as soon as you forget to think about it. And these friends...hmm...of course they are all different but they all got something in common: they think twice. They look in your face and laugh while stabbing a knife inside your back. Artificial. They all changed, even I changed in this past year, but I think some of them lost their way or were it just their principles? Friends I though of which I can rely on turned their back towards me. Friends I made along the way get lost and I mourn for each and every of them...

I can hear all those folks who say "you lost your principles yourself!"...so have I? I guess I bended them a little bit, but I never gave them up. "So what you're really trying to say is that you don't want me to stand in your way...is this all that you feel right now?" Is there nothing that we could do? Why don't you forget about mistakes done so long ago...some people change and some don't...some people are just getting better and some just get worse...How many times did I wish that I just could understand...to go back in time to where it began and then start again...and if I could so it would be so easy to make a sense...but the river doesn't stand still and the river doesn't give a second chance...

So...here's to you, the friends I lost along the way...may you learn from your mistakes as well as I did from mine...


In a thousand miles of crashing waves only one might kiss the shore and so does love take it's time but it's still worth waiting for...(isn't it?)

"Long since dried when we are found, are the tears in which we had drowned..."

I won't explain why I didn't write anything in here. Life has changed and every one who knows me, knows why I'm so vacant these times...

Never the less, life goes on and there's no reason anymore to look behind...though I have to ask one question (it's for one person, who once read my blog. I would like to hear her answer...): Why is it so hard for people to trust in each other? If I had told you, that I want to become your friend (and by this, I don't mean boyfriend), why would you have thought bad of me? I can accept, that we never ever met or that you won't even talk to me by now, but I'd like to know the reason for it...were you afraid of meeting a jackass with nothing on his back? Or were you more afraid of meeting a gentle person who's acting like no one you've ever seen before? Hmm...guess I'll never know it...(but if you want to give me an answer...don't hesitate to write it down)

Yep...don't know what to say by now...2 days left to work and then party on Wayne!

Greetz and good night, good fight!

"If we take no risk, afraid that we might loose
And neverever make a choice, but let the others choose
If we don't love, afraid we won't be loved
If we long for touch but keep our fingers gloved"

I've seen myself, with a dirty face
I've cut my luck, with a dirty ace
I leave the light on
I leave the light on
I went from zero, to minus ten
I drank your wine, then I stole your man
I leave the light on
I leave that light on

Daddy ain't that bad, he just plays rough
I ain't that scarred, when I'm covered up
I leave the light on
I leave the light on
Little girl hiding underneath the bed
Was it something I did? Must be something I said
I leave the light on
I better leave the light on

'Cause I wanna love
And I wanna live
I don't know much about it
And I never did - no, no

17, and I'm all messed up inside
I cut myself, just to feel alive
And I leave the light on
And I leave the light on
21 on the run, on the run, on the run
From myself, from myself and everyone
I leave the light on
I better leave the light on

'Cause I wanna love
And I wanna live
I don't know much about it
And I never did
I don't know what to do
Can the damage be undone?
I swore to God that I'd never be
What I've become

And lucky stars, and fairy tales
I'm gonna bathe myself, in a wishin' well
Pretty scars from cigarettes
I never will forget - I never will forget

I'm still afraid, to be alone
Wish that the moon would follow me home
I leave the light on
I leave that light on

I ain't that bad, I'm just messed up
I ain't that sad, but I'm sad enough

'Cause I wanna love
I wanna live
No, I don't know much about it
And I never did
I don't know what to do
Can the damage be undone?
I swore to God that I'd never be
What I've become

I leave that light…
I leave that light…
I leave that light on

God bless the child, with the dirty face
Who cuts her luck, with a dirty ace
She leaves the light on
I leave that light on