15 November, 2006

Don't ask me why I've been quite for such a long time and why I'm writing just now...I just don't know...wish I knew...

Just stood up from bed again to write this post. I had been laying there for nearly half an hour by now but couldn't sleep yet. Suddenly I had a melody in my brain (was thinking too much though) and it reminded me of a time long since gone...(by the way: the songs title is "And still it bleeds..." from a band called "Everon". Most of you won't know it as well as the band but let me tell you, it's one of my favourite bands when I get to a point where I need to think things over...)

Well...as I said, the song reminded me of the past...a past wherein everything seemed so much clearer and more obvious to me. I was younger (what a shame talking about age when you're just twenty-one...) and I can quite good remember the moment I first listened to that song. I was sitting in my room, just as now and knew that this song was something more than just a song, it gave me a shiver and fever the same time and still does. Man, it was even about the same time of year, a few weeks before christmas that I first listened to it...But things have changed since then and I wish I could go back to those times...staying up at the same time every day, doing the same every day and have no doubts in what you are doing.

I loved the way I was living my life...no real friends, the same stupid day...every day. Now everything is so complicated. I made friends myself and a for a short time it all felt so good. But now you have to think of every consequence of your words and deeds 'cause it will happen as soon as you forget to think about it. And these friends...hmm...of course they are all different but they all got something in common: they think twice. They look in your face and laugh while stabbing a knife inside your back. Artificial. They all changed, even I changed in this past year, but I think some of them lost their way or were it just their principles? Friends I though of which I can rely on turned their back towards me. Friends I made along the way get lost and I mourn for each and every of them...

I can hear all those folks who say "you lost your principles yourself!"...so have I? I guess I bended them a little bit, but I never gave them up. "So what you're really trying to say is that you don't want me to stand in your way...is this all that you feel right now?" Is there nothing that we could do? Why don't you forget about mistakes done so long ago...some people change and some don't...some people are just getting better and some just get worse...How many times did I wish that I just could understand...to go back in time to where it began and then start again...and if I could so it would be so easy to make a sense...but the river doesn't stand still and the river doesn't give a second chance...

So...here's to you, the friends I lost along the way...may you learn from your mistakes as well as I did from mine...


In a thousand miles of crashing waves only one might kiss the shore and so does love take it's time but it's still worth waiting for...(isn't it?)

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonym said...

You talk about yourself like you don't need any friends... Didn't some of them help you up when you were locked inside yourself and when you hit the ground? Those friends didn't stab a knife inside your back when smiling at you. They were not artificial. The way you hide yourself behind meaningless phrases is really disappointing. If you want to rely on your friends, they also have to be able to rely on you.
Think about it... Do you give them trust?

10:03 nachm.  

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